Well, maybe that’s not the right question. One likely contributor towards this affect is that religion regularly reminds practitioners of their value. You can choose to be angry at life or at God or even at yourself. Why? As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has taught, “Envy is a mistake that just keeps on giving. We are programmed to believe that if we act as if we are “good,” good things will happen, and if we act “bad,” bad things will happen. Have you ever wondered why bad things are happening to you when you are trying to do good? In these two stories, youth share how they found peace during their trials. And I am happy for them but why don’t good things happen to me? So, why do bad things happen to good people after all? She gave it her best, but she didn’t make the team. I was angry. This question reminds me of the legendary tennis player, Arthur Ashe who won the Wimbledon in 1975 by defeating Jimmy Connors.I hope this story should answer your question. I put so much effort into everything I do and I get nothing from life. Neil L. Andersen, “Trial of Your Faith,” Ensign, Nov. 2012, 40. Do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows. Job was a righteous man (Job 1:1), yet he suffered in ways that are almost beyond belief. But if you do not recognize them and keep them in mind, you may be fooled into thinking that only bad things are happening to you. I've been trying so hard to get back on my feet with this job situation and trying to find one. Maybe I’m just an extremely sensitive person, but it affects me deeply. Maybe God is using the present calamity to sanctify someone. What a bright prospect that is—downing another quart of pickle juice every time anyone around you has a happy moment!”1. The biggy… John 3:16-17: 'For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life. I am sure you have heard “Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?” more often in your life than you care to remember. In November 2010, Elder Jeremy Schone was serving as a missionary in Malaysia. In cases like these, doesn’t your anger or frustration feel justified? Sometimes really shitty things happen to really good people. I’d worked for an entire year to make my goals a reality. Quentin L. Cook, “Personal Peace: The Reward of Righteousness,” Ensign, May 2013, 33. If you’re careful to focus on what makes you happy and decide to go out there and do it, then your quality of life can improve dramatically.. I don't believe that everyone has good in them, but I still try to bring it out in people. Instead, I am looking for it to be acceptable, even inevitable—the only outcome of my circumstances. The real problem that we have is that we tend to only see what we expect to find, and we ignore the contradictory information. Hebrews 2: 6-7: But someone has testified somewhere, 'What are human beings that you are mindful of them, or mortals, that you care for them? Maybe a loved one’s illness is diagnosed as cancer or you were hit and nearly killed by a driver who wasn’t paying attention. When bad things happen to you, you have the right to feel angry, hurt, sad, and scared. "Why do good things happen to bad people -- and so many bad things happen to good people?" How do you deal with trials—especially when others seem to get all the blessings? I don’t quite believe it’s all just chance, but I lie if I say that I totally understand. There are many instances when I have ended up in tough circumstances through little fault of my own: someone else hit my car, I got sick, my employer went bankrupt. “And there will be trials for the rest of my life,” Jeremy says. Endowed with agency, you and I are agents, and we primarily are to act and not just be acted upon.”2. Scripture is filled with passages that essentially say that it rains on both the just and the unjust. I don’t think anyone can. First, Jesus clearly taught that many of His blessings fall upon all people regardless of their behavior or response toward Him. Two of my kids approached me separately during those final weeks, and with pain on their faces, asked, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” Talk about a hard conversation! Ryan Dunn is the author. There are no unlucky stars or curses. Although He was the only person who did not need forgiveness, He willingly suffered the anguish of all sin. Instead of inviting others to share in my failures, self-pity, and feelings of inadequacy, I am getting to participate in their more positive circumstances. When something bad happens, you are going to concentrate on it more than the good things in your life. And so, when I want to wallow into my own pity party, I look to clear an exit with some reminders of what I truly am. As we strive to keep the commandments, God provides spiritual blessings to heal our hearts, to help us see others and ourselves as He sees them and us, and to walk with Him. Just think of Joseph Smith’s example—he endured many great trials because of his faith and devotion to Christ, but he always remained true to the Lord and received many blessings and greater knowledge as a result. Me and a few of my friends lately have been talking about how much we hate these very things. I live alone with my Mother, who's too busy grieving over her Sister (Who died of Cancer), and my lost Brother. Now we have completed the quaternity, which, as everyone … Numerous studies suggest that religion benefits mental health. Not only that, but I fell in love with this girl, who doesn't love me. Just as it’s a fact of life that bad things happen, it’s a fact that good things happen too. In her senior year, the rules changed, requiring seniors to try out again. Certain things tend to happen at certain dates and times. As a 23-year-old woman, I had plenty more opportunities to observe what appeared to be God “being good” to everyone around me. “So expecting bad makes you see bad and label things as bad, because it dysregulates your emotional state. The book of Job deals with the issue of why God allows bad things to happen to good people. 1 Peter 1:18-19: You know that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your ancestors, not with perishable things like silver or gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without defect or blemish. I keep wondering why so many bad things happen to me, especially because I strongly believe in "loving others as thyself." Devastated? In the furrows of despair, it can plant the seeds of a brighter hope. In short, he should have died. Why do bad things happen to bad people? Another way to stop judging others is to live as the Savior asks us to live. I’ve been hearing this a lot lately from people around me, and i think I’ve finally come to the conclusion as to why bad things happen to good people.So here’s the deal: bad things happen to everyone. If we don’t do that, the consequences only hurt us. We can spend a lot of time wondering why good things happen to other people. Do your part to alleviate suffering, and then accept what is. My Brother Nick, died last week in Iraq. The Bible says that he was an upright man, a good man who feared God and eschewed evil (Job 1:1). But do bad things actually happen en masse? The mission of the church is to make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world. But we can trust that Heavenly Father understands. After reading these stories, consider making a plan to let go of and avoid envy, anger, and judgment by coming unto Christ. But how do we stop judging others when the feelings seem so real? Ryan is an ordained deacon in the United Methodist Church and lives in Nashville, TN. I am asked often why bad things happen to good people. We may feel envious or jealous, maybe even sad that we were left out. No one is good except God alone.” God is the standard of righteousness, and all of us have fallen short of that standard (Rom. Choosing to be unhappy, even when it seems justified because of unfair things that happen, leads to darkness, bitterness, and disappointment. Counselors and therapists can be found here. *These Amazon links are provided because I genuinely like these products! There are a variety of things in which we all think we are above average, including health, popularity, memory, attractiveness, and even academic and job performance. We don’t have to actively do anything about good things except enjoy them. It seems counter-productive for God to allow good things to happen to people who want nothing to do with Him. It can be a healing balm for the loneliness and sickness of our souls. Frankly, I hated this title but I liked the book. Don’t people usually turn to God when in crisis? I found I have a natural tendency to celebrate others failures—especially when their failures match my own. Malia H. from Arizona, USA, had played on her school’s tennis team for two years. A few years ago I married a … Some people just say “Why Not?” Most people just ignore the question, and move on with their lives, not really worrying about it at all until it happens to them. Yet, then again, failure and tragedy affects everyone. The truth is that I can’t answer why bad things happen to good people. These are some verses that speak an identity of value into my life: Psalm 139: 13-14: For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother's womb. Even so, the recovery was long and painful. I'll start with the tough-love advice. And it seems like no one ever comes up with a really acceptable answer. I'm not selfish and I don't give a f*ck about self preservation. The door out can feel as elusive as pinning the tail on the proverbial donkey while blindfolded. What Elder Bednar taught about agency is still true. The miracle of the Atonement beckoned to me, urging me to seek the merciful Son.”. Not everyone is perfect, and sometimes when your partner doesn’t do certain things or say certain things, this starts to kind of add up in your mind and may make you question whether this person is worth the time. The circumstances that have led me into a pity party are not the circumstances that define me. Why didn’t my coach give me a fair chance? It is available to all! When Good Things Happen to Others and Bad Things Happen to You, No Longer Addicted: My Journey to Overcome Pornography. Life isn't always roses and sunshine. David A. Bednar, “And Nothing Shall Offend Them,” Ensign, Nov. 2006, 90. There are many things in life that make you happy, and there are many things that have the opposite effect. My Dad is stationed over in Iraq right now, and wont be back until God knows when. I also thought that being born under unlucky stars brought me only bad luck and I knew that good things happened to other people and not me. My fav… Luke 12:6-7: Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Everything about them. As a Christian, I believe I am beloved, even worthy of dying for. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Hope of God’s Light,” Ensign, May 2013, 75.tttt. It’s okay to feel this way. Even if you do your best, or do everything right, sometimes bad things will happen. I gulped then muttered something about a fallen world, that life will never be perfect on earth regardless of whether we’re good, bad, or somewhere in between. What we can change is how we feel about it. It can enlighten the deepest valleys of sorrow. I, and you, are so much more. The little things are even more important when you are trying to sustain a relationship. The door into the pity party is wide and inviting. The reason there are none who are good is that God alone is truly good. 3:23). I recognize there is such a thing as bad luck. But it fits the lens of things happening to you, and that makes you feel good. It gives life to all things (see D&C 88:11–13). For example, when I recognize that I am stressed about completing a work assignment because I procrastinated, then I can also recognize that I have the agency to do something about. I like to comfort and help people. It sometimes feels like we're living in a perpetual opposite day, where "Love yourself not your neighbor" seems to be the golden rule and "Take and you shall receive" appears to be the principle of abundance. Photo illustrations by Welden C. Andersen; illustrations by Nicole Walkenhorst and Kedrick Ridges. It has the power to soften the sting of the deepest wound. We may wonder, “Why do others get the good things and I don’t?”. All of you reading this review are probably pretty good people and likely you've had some difficulties and not so nice things happen to you. And it can seem extra hard when others who don’t keep the commandments seem to get all the breaks. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well. Instead of cake cutting, candle blowing, or present sharing, the featured activity of a pity party is comparison. Yet not one of them is counted forgotten in God's sight. He serves as the Minister of Online Engagement. Why do bad things happen to good people? Jeremy broke multiple bones, his aorta was torn, his lung collapsed, his brain swelled, and he contracted pneumonia. Once we've entered the pity party, we feel trapped by it. To you and to all of us, I repeat a wonderful and certain truth: God’s light is real. Instead, things tend to happen at certain times because like attracts like. “Because of what I learned, I can bear witness that our Savior suffered for all of our trials. 1 John 4:4: Little children, you are from God, and have conquered them; for the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. But I also need to recognize that I had a hand in creating many of the negative circumstances I bemoan at my pity party: I spent beyond my means, I refused a doctor's advice because it was tough, I procrastinated on a project that now has me feeling stressed. Truth is, just like you, I do deserve good things to happen to me. Acknowledging others in failure makes my failures more acceptable. You deserve good things to happen to you. Personally, I believe there are four basic reasons why bad things happen to people — good or bad. But time after time, little miracles occurred and he not only survived but also continued to heal. I do have friends to whom I can describe the situation, but there are also instances when I need to confide in someone with some clinical experetise who can provide some more practical advice for working through my feelings. Why do bad things happen to good people? After all, you’ve been promised that God will bless you for keeping His commandments. Recognizing that I influenced some of my negative situations provides me the power in changing them. Whatever it may be, you need put an effort to it. We only need to keep our focus on our Creator and enter into His presence every day through the portal of His holy Word. Bad things happen to everyone they happen to you, people you know or strangers.Bad things happen to some people more than others. But what good does that do? In this Sunday’s Gospel reading, Luke reminds us that in Jesus humanity has received a … You’ve done everything you can to prepare, including keeping the Word of Wisdom, with faith that the Lord will bless you for your obedience. When they do, try not to immediately assume it's your fault because a lot of the time, it won't be. Related: Why Do Good People Suffer? I used to define myself as a quitter, thanks to all of the projects on my computer that I never finished. ... because it dysregulates your emotional state. What should I do? You may feel burdened by worry, fear, or doubt. With His stripes to rescue me from death, how could I resent the small injustices in life? It can illuminate the path before us and lead us through the darkest night into the promise of a new dawn.”5. But what about when bad things happen directly to you? Bad things happen to everyone. Why? But after tryouts, you get cut from the team, and a friend—one who smokes—makes the team. Good Things Happen to Good People. The exit to the pity party widens when I take steps to make my situation better. We are all sinners in a sinful world. The pity party is not a fun place to be, but many of us seemingly like to tarry there anyway—despite our recognition that it is not the healthiest or most rewarding place to be. One hard part about seeing good things happen to other people, especially when we feel like we’re the ones who deserve the reward, is choosing not to judge others. Some of them have been happening in my life or theirs, and they just plain suck. To understand these rules, the first thing we should keep in mind is that many of us have been raised to believe that good deeds are rewarded and bad deeds are punished. But turning to the Savior taught him many things. Jeffrey R. Holland, “The Laborers in the Vineyard,” Ensign, May 2012, 31–32. I'm done. Additionally, I may learn what they did differently than me that led them to that point. It is not necessarily because they were implicitly meant to happen at that time. Now, this guy had two heart surgeries. Most of us have done it: We've played host to our own pity parties. He spent His entire ministry in the service of His neighbors, yet He was despised by many of these same people (see Isaiah 53:3–5). But I just think we are looking at the situation all wrong. Meanwhile, I felt like I had been left on the sidelines. In fact, there are so many things that we think we are good at that there is name for it: optimism bias. Good things happen to bad people because God hopes for their transformation, and this takes time. But it fits the lens of things happening to you, and that makes you feel good. Does it matter whether I say my prayers out loud, or can I just say them in my heart? As we humbly and faithfully endure our trials, we can be filled with a new spiritual strength—the strength that we will need to endure to the end, the strength that we will need to obtain our exaltation.”. I watched as friends and peers were blessed with answers to prayers for jobs, cars, places to go, things to do, husbands, babies, ministry and all-around satisfying circumstances. My life couldn't get any worse. What do you think? This is why we all know a few “bad apples” who have the best luck, and a few “good apples” who are … One is the “self-serving bias.” That means that when good things happen to us, we says it’s because of something we did, but when bad things happen, we blame other people or circumstances. Indeed, God did not send the Song into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.'. In fact, sometimes it doesn’t seem to make any sense. Celebrating successes encourages community. Do you agree with my points? God allowed Satan to do everything he wanted to Job except kill him, and Satan did his worst. Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has explained it this way: “As sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father, we have been blessed with the gift of moral agency, the capacity for independent action and choice. Celebrating success, even the success of others, redirects me from a pity party to a real party of celebration. We have to deal with problems and solve them. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Because you correctly predicted that it would happen. I'm happy for my friends and family but I'm upset at the same time because it seems like good things are happening to everyone in my life except me. But that is not healthy. What follows are a few tips on widening the pity party exit. For I was envious of the boastful, When I saw the prosperity of the wicked" (Psalms 73:2-3). 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